Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and Cleveland Cavaliers Supporters Wherever You May Be Tonight;

by Cleveland Frowns on June 25, 2012

As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he deserted this evening left two years ago to win an NBA championship with a better organization, is no longer a Cleveland Cavalier.

This was announced with a several day, narcissistic, self-promotional build-up culminating with a national TV special of his “decision” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of sports and probably the history of entertainment.

Clearly, this is was bitterly disappointing to all of us me, and also to jersey-burning types, white kids with insanely warped senses of entitlement, and people who have no idea how bad it sucks to work for me.

The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers have not betrayed you nor NEVER will betray you. I might make Cleveland a laughingstock of an NBA destination among players by being the biggest down-talking carnival-barking blowhard the NBA ownership ranks have ever seen, but NBA franchises are heavily subsidized legal monopolies. The Cavs are a no-risk cash cow no matter how terrible we are, so there’s no way I’m leaving, guys. THAT, you can count on.  

There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will be communicating much of that to you. There was all this bad stuff we let LeBron do when he was here, and we were going to tell you about all of it because we were really mad when he left, but my PR folks explained that spilling the beans here would just make us look a lot worse. So just forget it, OK? 

You simply don’t deserve this kind of cowardly betrayal. I’m the worst. I know. But no-risk cash cow, guys. Finders keepers. Sorry.  

You have given so much and deserve so much more. Hang in there, sluggers.

In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

“I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE THAT THE CLEVELAND CAVALIERS WILL WIN AN NBA CHAMPIONSHIP BEFORE THE SELF-TITLED FORMER ‘KING’ WINS ONE”

You can take it to the bank.

Nevermind. Really, just forget it. I mean, hang in there. Hey, look, slot machines! Laser show!

If you thought we were motivated before tonight to bring the hardware to Cleveland, I can tell you that this shameful display of selfishness and betrayal by one of our very own has shifted our “motivation” to previously unknown and previously never experienced levels. Wait, because if you thought we were embarrassed when LeBron left, well, now that he’s won a title so quickly after having left us, we are triple embarrassed. Oh, the motivation. This level of motivation I’m feeling is so unknown and unexperienced I could just …

Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there. If I could get away with killing LeBron, I would do it. If my motivation keeps getting so unknown and unexperienced, I still might.

Sorry, but that’s simply not how it works. Where are my pants?

This shocking act of disloyalty from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact opposite lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become. Because “who” would want their child to leave home to reach the pinnacle of his profession when the kid could stay home to swim upstream with Mo Williams and Antawn Jamison working for a down-talking carnival-barking blowhard? It’s unthinkable.

But the good news is that this heartless and callous action can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.

The self-declared former “King” will be taking took the “curse” with him down south. And until he does “right” by Cleveland and Ohio, James (and the town where he plays) will unfortunately own this dreaded spell and bad karma. But somehow he brought it back to Cleveland. I have no idea how. It’s like I’ve been telling you, this guy is the devil. Help me kill him.

Just watch. I mean, hang in there. My pants. Where are they?

Sleep well, Cleveland. Especially you, LeBron. I’m coming for you.

Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….

I PROMISE you that our energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be directed at one thing and one thing only:

DELIVERING YOU the championship you have long deserved and is long overdue. And slot machines. Thousands and thousands of slot machines. Who needs a loan?

Dan Gilbert
Majority Owner
Cleveland Cavaliers

  • p_forever

    i thought we made that forgive the decision, forgive the letter deal.

    also – don’t you hate pants?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1srzsTJOW2c

    • ClevelandFrowns

      I never made any deal like that. Anyway, Gilbert has never asked to be forgiven for the letter. Instead he’s just pretended like he never wrote it.

      • BigDigg

        Out of all Gilbert’s sins – isn’t “the letter” the easiest and most explainable? It was a clear PR item to target local fans to play to their emotions and ensure they stay on the ship. Can’t fault him for that even if it was childish and poorly written, and certainly short sighted.

        • ClevelandFrowns

          One thing that’s worse than the letter is his pretending that he never wrote it in the first place, so I don’t completely disagree with you.

          • http://brian23.com Brian

            How does he pretend he never wrote it at all? What purpose or reason would it serve to mention it again?

            It’s the past, it’s over – especially now. LeBron reached his goal, and Gilbert is working toward his with the Cavs.

            We all do dumb things – do you make a habit of bringing up your past mistakes without context and for no reason?

          • ClevelandFrowns

            Without context? He made a guarantee (in ALLCAPS!). That guarantee blew up last Thursday. That seems like plenty of context to me. Again, I must be crazy.

          • http://brian23.com Brian

            I guess I don’t understand what you want him to do – do you honestly want/expect him to issue a follow-up letter with an apology?
            *
            *

          • ClevelandFrowns

            He made a huge show about making a guarantee, then failed to deliver on it in spectacular fashion. Seems to me that he should say something about it. I must be nuts.

          • http://brian23.com Brian

            I do think it’s misguided if you think that would be a healthy thing for the franchise and the fan base. Should he let Kyrie Irving (and Cavaliers fans) feel that all things Cavaliers still revolve around LeBron James?

            *
            *
            *
            *

          • mo_by_dick

            We all do dumb things – do you make a habit of bringing up your past mistakes without context and for no reason?

            I do. It’s terrible.

          • BigDigg

            Again – it was all PR bluster. Certainly Dan G. isn’t the only executive in history to make outlandish claims and fail to publicly eat crow when they don’t come to pass?

          • ClevelandFrowns

            “Certainly Dan G. isn’t the only executive in history to make outlandish claims and fail to publicly eat crow when they don’t come to pass?”
            Certainly. And certainly every such executive sucks. Though perhaps not as badly as Dan G. does.

    • CleveLandThatILove

      Just really bad pants.

      • p_forever

        i like when we find common ground. next up: blue coat and tonics at greenhouse while wearing matching, pantless outfits. (no acto – that doesn’t mean we will be half naked – it means we will be wearing skirts. jeez.)

        • CleveLandThatILove

          And our Nancy Sinatra boots.

          • acto

            CLTIL,
            What were those boots made for?

          • CleveLandThatILove

            I think you know.

  • cynosurescence

    I’m starting to wonder if this unhealthy obssession with Dan Gilbert is a compensatory reaction to everyone else’s unhealthy obsession with LeBron James.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      In which case it wouldn’t be an “unhealthy obsession” at all. Keep thinking on it.

      It’s amazing what a hard time some folks have being exposed to even the smallest bit of truth about Gilbert.

      • cynosurescence

        I’m not a fan of Gilbert, either.

        I know it’s no accident that most of his business focuses on two cities (Cleveland and Detroit) that are so desperate for economic activity that they’ll allow him to do essentially anything he wants. The cynic in me sees the bottomless pit of money he keeps offering to the Cavs as one of the more effective “combination PR move / ego stroke”s imaginable. Bring championship-level ball to a city, especially one as beaten down as Cleveland, and they’ll let you do anything.

        That said, the Gilbert schadenfreude comes from the exact same place in our reptilian brains as the James schadenfreude. You may think he deserves it (and he does) but it’s comical to watch you do the exact same thing that you’ve criticized everyone for doing to LBJ.

        • ClevelandFrowns

          Again, I expect more from billionaire team owner/constitution amending-types than I do from twenty-something basketball players from the projects. I guess I must be crazy.

          • acto

            Frownie,
            I concur, you are probably crazy, but we love you anyway.
            How did you get Gilbert’s latest letter?

      • http://brian23.com Brian

        I think most people realize he’s no different from most other owners. Did you know that the honorable Mr. Arison has used his most clever accounting to stiff the city of Miami for ten straight years on the rent he owes for the use of the arena.

    • humboldt

      I think this gets to the core of the problem, and hope Pete will take it under advisement.

      Gilbert is a deplorable presence in this community, but Pete’s narrative has shoe-horned Lebron into a protagonist role that is totally undeserved. Both men are extraordinarily flawed, narcissistic, entrepreneurially-insane individuals who have visited immense psychological and physical damage upon the city. It can be fairly argued that Gilbert has done greater relative damage, but this in no way exculpates Lebron for his manipulative, self-interested, egomaniacal, ungracious behavior.

      That said, Lebron has made initial (perfunctory?) efforts to apologize to Cleveland, whereas Gilbert has displayed a constant unremitting hubris. I wish LBJ had used the platform of his championship to show gratitude to Cleveland fans, but alas, he is still deeply narcissistic and may always be so.

      Hopefully, he will prove differently as he matures, but until then it does no good to whitewash his sins and cast Lebron in some fatuous hero narrative vis-a-vis Gilbert.

      • ClevelandFrowns

        Somehow I expect more from billionaire team owner/constitution amending-types than I do from twenty-something basketball players from the projects, and think society should as well. What am I missing?

        • cynosurescence

          My question in response to that is, when does he stop being the kid from the bad side of Akron and start being the multimillionaire international superstar?

          Maybe something in Gilbert’s less-than-billionaire past explains why he sometimes acts like a petulant child. Does that absolve him?

          • ClevelandFrowns

            I resolve both of these questions by expecting more from billionaire team owner/constitution amending-types than I do from twenty-something basketball players from the projects. I still don’t know what I’m missing.

        • rulesboy

          Given everything Dan Gilbert’s done to earn your enmity, do you really “expect more” from him?

      • ClevelandFrowns

        Also, folks have been putting a lot of words in my mouth lately. Where are all these “Lebron is a hero posts” that everybody keeps talking about? He’s just a kid from Akron who made it out of the projects to become the best basketball player in the world, and who made a poorly executed but ultimately understandable decision to leave the Cavs. I’ve never written it any other way.

        • humboldt

          Are you suggesting that “He’s just a kid from Akron who made it out of the projects to become the best basketball player in the world” is not a hero narrative?

          [shakes head]

          You are quite literally correct, but you’re also not comprehending how reductive that narrative is. Specifically, it obfuscates Lebron’s very real flaws and the psychological impact he has had on people in our city (including those below the poverty line, btw).

          My sense is that your well-deserved and articulated attack on Gilbert has set up a classic antagonism narrative that has resulted in you missing a lot of the nuance, which, frankly, isn’t like you.

          • ClevelandFrowns

            “Are you suggesting that ‘He’s just a kid from Akron who made it out of the projects to become the best basketball player in the world’ is not a hero narrative?”

            I’m suggesting that LeBron is mostly just a kid from Akron who made it out of the projects to become the best basketball player in the world.

            “Specifically, [that] obfuscates Lebron’s very real flaws and the psychological impact he has had on people in our city.”

            You know, I only have so much time to go looking for and dwelling on flaws in other people’s psyches, and I really don’t think I need to go there with LeBron to level perfectly reasonable criticism of Gilbert (and especially this letter). It mostly gets back to the difference between what I reasonably expect from the two.

          • humboldt

            “I’m suggesting that LeBron is mostly just a kid from Akron who made it out of the projects to become the best basketball player in the world.”

            Mostly just? So you at least acknowledge that there could be more to the story than you’ve been arguing.

            See, my problem with your simplified narrative is that it is overly deterministic. In other words, you seem to be arguing that the fact Lebron is from the projects and was raised by a drug-addicted mother unambiguously explains his aberrant behavior. I know you don’t think badly of poor people, yet you are essentially arguing that the inner city simply determines the life trajectory of all inhabitants.

            Aside from being factually false, what this ignores is that Lebron has, for almost half of his life, also had unprecedented access to high integrity coaches, advisers, not to mention personal consult from highly successful individuals such as Warren Buffet, etc. A sociology professor would point out that he has been shaped by much more than the “habitus” of the inner city, and yet that is the one your narrative privileges.

            Even though you don’t seem to want to spend time thinking about it, Lebron has significant character flaws: narcissism, megalomania, egomania, etc. He is unduly concerned with brand-building, with opening new markets, and clearly places little value on loyalty. He also totally lacks humility. None of this can be explained away simply by invoking “the projects”. That is facile, and beneath you.

            I truly hope Lebron can change, and, as mentioned above, he showed some positive signs during the season in expressing contrition through the media. But I fear his background/character flaws/unfortunate immersion into the worst forces of capitalism may get the better of him. We shall see.

          • ClevelandFrowns

            In other words, you seem to be arguing that the fact Lebron is from the projects and was raised by a drug-addicted mother unambiguously explains his aberrant behavior.

            No, I’m not, but it sure is one reason why I expect more from billionaire team owner/constitution amending-types than I do from twenty-something basketball players from the projects. You’re reading far too much into it. Which I guess shouldn’t surprise me given all the time you want to spend discussing Lebron’s “significant character flaws: narcissism, megalomania, egomania,” etc.

            I’m not at all attempting to “explain that all away,” I’m just not interested in discussing it, especially in view of the progress he’s made.

          • Blue 27

            He has been a multi-milionaire since he was 18 years old…he had a hummer his senior year of high school. This “kid” hasn’t been wanting since everyone around him figured out he was going to be a freak of nature when he was 14 years old…the man is 27 now.

          • BigDigg

            Humboldt – perhaps you were in a cave the past week? As clearly communicated by all national media outlets late last week, Lebron finally overcome any and all his personal demons. I guess he had a long time to think about things last summer, and in that process was able to change his approach, lose his ego, and finally found joy in his craft that had apparently been lacking. I guess those around him have noticed as well.

            Obviously it’s the only reason that he was able to raise his game and finally win a championship. And, duh, it’s good timing too. That’s a lot of stuff to think about when you’re busy zoning out in the 4th quarter.

          • humboldt

            I trust that this is tongue-and-cheek?

          • http://twitter.com/PheasantPants J.

            Why exactly are Lebron’s very real flaws that relevant to anything? Cause he really hurt everyone’s feelings?

          • humboldt

            Yes, his behavior/flaws affected lots people in northeast Ohio, from all walks of life, over the past two years.

            Obviously, the pathologies in our city are much bigger than Lebron, but his narcissism and total lack of consideration for the cultural sensitivities of the region poured salt in those wounds. Given the remarkable power/prestige/hope the region vested in him, his actions were totally irresponsible.

            He should be accountable for how he has handled himself, and, while I’m open to forgiveness, I’m dismayed at how many people (including Pete) have become simple-minded apologists glossing over Lebron’s obvious character flaws.

          • http://twitter.com/PheasantPants J.

            @humboldt:

            “Yes, his behavior/flaws affected lots people in northeast Ohio, from all walks of life, over the past two years.

            Obviously, the pathologies in our city are much bigger than Lebron, but his narcissism and total lack of consideration for the cultural sensitivities of the region poured salt in those wounds. Given the remarkable power/prestige/hope the region vested in him, his actions were totally irresponsible.”

            Maybe we should be spending more time breaking down those pathologies than Lebron’s, especially given that a. Cleveland residents can control their own psyches more readily than they can control a multimillionaire’s; b. attitudes like that are actively harmful to a whole wide region full of millions of people, even for those of us who never bought into the savior.

        • acto

          Frownie,
          Perhaps I shall be joining you in Colny Hatch, rubber walls included, but in my addled little mind Lebron is a basketball player. He is fun to watch and it is sometimes fun to root against him as well.

  • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

    it’s pretty cool that all the NFL rookies are in aurora for their ‘Dont Blow It’ symposium. the topics presented seem to hit the mark.
    “Transitioning to the NFL,”
    “Self Regulation,”
    “Are You Bigger than the Game?”
    “Staying in the Game,”
    “Expectations of an NFL Player,” and
    “What Defines Success.”

    smart idea to have this seminar. also smart to move it out of palm beach and carlsbad and put it next to canton.

    wonder if the nba does this.

    • The Curse of Yahoo!

      I think the NBA does have a similar workshop. That was the one that Mario Chalmers and Michael Beasley were kicked out of for doing pot in their hotel rooms, you know, back when the Heat weren’t as superior an organization as they clearly are now. Go Micky.

      • ClevelandFrowns

        OMG they were doing pot!

        Anyway, before that incident the Heat had already won an NBA title under the Arisons’ ownership, which already had them well above the Cavaliers as far as organizations go.

        • The Curse of Yahoo!

          Sure, it’s as fair a consequentialist take as any to say they won in 2006 so all is forgiven. And kudos to them for winning then, for sure, but I’d put that title up to the fact that Miami’s location (sunny beaches, no state income tax) is desirable for free agents and that Shaq hated Kobe as much and wanted to go to another beach-y location (sorry, Lake Erie doesn’t count, unless you’re 38-year old Shaq) as the Heat’s organizational awesomeness.

          It’s hard to do that in state-taxing tundras outside of (maybe) Chicago. Conversely, it’s much easier to be a “great” organization when you’re living on a beach, and as well all know, pre-Kardashian Lamar Odom loves living by the beach.

          • ClevelandFrowns

            Whatever the reasons, the point still holds.

          • The Curse of Yahoo!

            Agreed.

          • http://twitter.com/PheasantPants J.

            If it just came down to no income tax, why don’t the Magic have a title yet? If cold weather was such a limiting factor, why do the Detroit Pistons have three titles?

            These are the sorts of rationalizations that people like Dan Gilbert love because it insulates them from responsibility for the product they put on the court.

        • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

          [following has nothing to do with the organizational strengths/weaknesses of the cavs, heat, grizzlies, or the nba.]

          they were smoking weed at 330am at a nice resort during new hire training. the cops had to be called.

          i dunno. i dont think that’s cool. it wouldnt occur to you or me to behave that way on the first week of our first job entering our career. would it?

          not to call you on an inconsistency — i would NEVER — but i find your laissez faire attitude on this subject enabling. i thought ‘enabling’ was one of your problems with dan gilbert.

          • Believelander

            To be fair, pot should be legal (though the expression ‘doing pot’ should not be, Yahoo).

          • ClevelandFrowns

            To be even more fair, the Heat got rid of Beasley about as soon as they could.

          • nj0

            I agree. I also agree with JK’s point that, even legal, smoking at 3:30 AM in a hotel room during your new hire training to such an extent that the cops get called is beyond irresponsible.

            You can be pro-legalization and anti-stupidity.

          • The Curse of Yahoo!

            To be fairest, stupid is as stupid drafts. (Don’t think I forgot DaSagana Diop, John Lucas and Jim Paxson.)

          • Beeej

            I think I will now and forever call it “doing pot.” If fact, I would bet that Biki is totally doing pot right now. Don’t go jumping out any windows you crazy reefer addict.

          • Believelander

            @Beej, I’m going to buy you a tweed smoking jacket, some loafers, and Just For Men if you keep it up.

          • 6thCity

            My sister had to go to rehab because one night she smoked 7 pots

          • ClevelandFrowns

            First week on the new job? LOL. They were at an off-season training seminar at a nice resort. Sub “smoking weed” with “drinking booze” and think about it for a few seconds.

          • The Curse of Yahoo!

            Let’s not stop there. Let’s sub “smoking weed” with “volunteering to help the less fortunate” and that’s probably what they were actually doing under Riles’ and Micky’s collective leadership anyway.

          • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

            substitute drinking booze? as long as youre in a mood to shift the ground, why not substitute with ‘extra-large sugary, caffeinated soft drinks?’ i mean if you want to set up a false equivalency, go all the way.

            orientation = first week on the job. how is this confusing? how is this not their job. it’s required. it’s specific to their career. it’s serious. it’s their craft. it’s their time to step up and be grown-ups.

            in the real world, we’d be fired on the spot for smoking weed and having the cops called at a new hire training. gone. see ya. dont use us as a reference. get that resume freshened up.

            i dont understand why you have a separate set of standards for rich athletes

          • nj0

            At 3:30 in the morning? To such an extent that the police get called? It’s stupid however you cut it.

          • The Curse of Yahoo!

            Agreed with njo. The least Micky could’ve done is provided quality stuff that wouldn’t alert the cops. Surely there’s some of that on one of his cruise ships. All aboard!

        • Believelander

          The real question is whether we’re invited to come by and do some pot if Shane Battier ever brings Mario to town. I’ll bring the oregano.

  • The Curse of Yahoo!

    Agreed with the above comments. The negative energy this site is imposing on Gilbert (and by proxy, the Cavs organization) is enough to make Stay Puff start roaming down East 9th (too early to tell yet if he’s just trying to make the Indians game or kill us all).

    Let’s focus on a positive draft vibe, maybe with Jackie Wilson’s “Higher and Higher” blasting.

  • BIKI024

    Another positive sign that Lebron will strongly consider coming back to Akron and the Cavs? LRMR just signed a 10 year lease on Executive Parkway, in Bath, right across from Lebron’s mansion. They could’ve taken their talents to South Beach but they are keeping it local. Wonder what sort of tax revenue Bron’s property taxes and LRMR taxes go to Summit County and Ohio in general.

    • The Curse of Yahoo!

      Fair enough, but I’d have preferred the deal where he kept his basketball talents here and moved the LRMR ones to South Beach.

    • BigDigg

      I’ve read the same articles as all you guys. Can’t believe people are really thinking that this is going to happen. Let’s remember that this is the same guy that made his FA decision a front-and-center topic for pretty much his entire career in every city he visited. The whole ‘detente’ here always struck me more of a way to soften his image both locally and nationally and to move past it all.

      • BIKI024

        Dude, so you don’t think the media was largely responsible for asking him his intentions. And by the way, that only hapenned on a few occassions before he squashed it and put gag order on it.

        I really don’t see why it’s so out of the realm of possibility, particularly since we have the future best PG in the league, and he’s top 8 already. Now let’s see who we get in the draft this week. TT will have 2 more seasons under his belt not to mention another lotto pick next year and it could be very enticing for Bron to come back and get more rings. They could have a dominant run if we draft the right guy this week. Otherwise it might behoove Bron to stay in Miami.

        • BigDigg

          Was it the media that forced him to wear special edition NY Yankee shoes?

          Oh, i agree that the Cavs have the potential to be an excellent spot to take his talents to by the time his contract opt-out is available. Certainly in better shape than when he left. And its a potentially better Disney movie than him finishing his career in Miami with not 1, not 2, not 3, champions, etc.

          Three obvious problems I see: 1) Dan Gilbert’s ego 2) where will he fit if part of the team resurrection and depth is due to another stud SF like MKG or Barnes. 3) how much left will he have in the tank when/if he does decide to come back? B. Simmons has some great theories on the mileage of players, and with him coming out from HS, all the extra games going deep into the playoffs each year, Team USA, etc – he’s still young but i’m guessing he’s past the mid-point for the dominant phase of his career.

          • BIKI024

            DG’s ego? That dude has given up way much more for much much less than he would profit if LBJ comes back.

            Yes, if we draft a SF that couldn’t also play 2 if he had to (they both could play 2, heck Durant plays it a lot of times.

            Lebron is just now hitting his prime, which is a window of 4 years typically, so we would have at least 2 years of prime, and then who knows how many years of all-star calibur years, a la KG who balled out in his 17th year.
            S

          • BigDigg

            Good points. All i’m saying is that it’s far from a slam dunk. Not the least of which is that the Cavs would have to play their part and assemble a team ready to win.

            Re: Lebron’s longevity – part of me thinks he’ll age better than most since he’s just started to tap into a potentially monster post up game. But part of me also feels that human knees and backs (even for a titan like Lebron) weren’t meant to take that many launches and landings for a 260+ pound guy.

  • ChuckKoz

    note: I drunkenly threw this together the night of the title, as a olive branch to my lebron loving friends. the entire lebron thing still annoys me, but that mostly likely has to do with the fact that i hate being wrong.

    Dear Cleveland, All Of Northeast Ohio and LeBron Derangement Syndrome Suffers Wherever You May Be Tonight;

    As you now know, our former hero, who grew up in the very region that he left in 2009, has won a NBA Championship for the Miami Heat.

    This was announced with a several round, ESPN promoted build-up culminating with a nationally televised NBA Finals of his “title” unlike anything ever “witnessed” in the history of Cleveland basketball and probably the history of entertainment.

    Clearly, this is sad that our former hero did not win a title while with the Cavs.

    The good news is that the ownership team and the rest of the hard-working, loyal, and driven staff over here at your hometown Cavaliers now operate a casino and will NEVER lose money, so we should be able to pay decent players to come to Cleveland in the future.

    There is so much more to tell you about the events of the recent past and our more than exciting future. Over the next several days and weeks, we will find out if we can resign Alonzo Gee and if we will draft Bradley Beal or Harrison Barnes.

    Either way, you simply should not continue with your regressive and reductive demonization campaign against our former hero.

    You have argued so much, but should now just apologize and admit you were wrong.

    In the meantime, I want to make one statement to you tonight:

    “I AM A FUCKING IDIOT FOR CLAIMING LEBRON JAMES WOULD NOT WIN AN NBA TITLE BECAUSE HE WAS A CHOKER”

    You can take it to the bank.*

    If you thought your arguments againt LeBron’s greatness were logical before tonight, I can tell you that your shameful display of illogic and priapism due to an irrational hatred of our very own has shifted your “motivation” into previously unknown and previously never experienced levels of regressive and reductive demonization.

    Some people think they should go to heaven but NOT have to die to get there.

    Sorry, that may not make sense but that’s simply me quoting a weird part of Dan Gilbert’s infamous letter.

    This tremendous act of victory from our home grown “chosen one” sends the exact lesson of what we would want our children to learn. And “who” we would want them to grow-up to become.

    But the good news is that moving past any lingering hatred or anger can only serve as the antidote to the so-called “curse” on Cleveland, Ohio.

    LeBron eviscerated the idea perpetrated by people of my ilk that he could not win a title. And until people like myself do “right” by society and admit we were wrong, we will unfortunately continue to this dreaded spell and bad karma.

    Just watch.

    Let it go, Cleveland.

    Tomorrow is a new and much brighter day….

    I PROMISE you that your energy, focus, capital, knowledge and experience will be much better served if you focus on one thing:

    LETTING GO the idea that idea that LeBron is not an all-time great champion that logically left Cleveland for greener pastures….

    Chuck Koz
    Recovering Sufferer
    LeBron Derangement Syndrome

    * Not binding, despite recent articles to the contrary

    • ClevelandFrowns

      Very well done.

    • Shadow_play

      Yeah, but you don’t mention pants at all.

  • BR830

    You continually ignore, or at the very least, downplay the ridiculousness of “The Decision.” The anger and vitriol towards Lebron was never about free agency. Most fans would understand, and accept, if he just simply left. Most fans would understand because many of them have left Cleveland themselves – they can identify why he would choose to leave. I know I certainly could.

    But he didn’t do that. Instead, he held a huge narcissistic spectacle on ESPN covering behind the veil of charity. He couldn’t even give Dan Gilbert, his employer, a courtesy call letting him know he wasn’t returning.

    It was widely reported that Lebron was even going to go on a “free agent tour” across the country during this period. Even if he had stayed in Cleveland through that show, and through this huge spectacle, it would have left a bad taste in people’s mouths, not just in Cleveland but everywhere else too.

    Yeah. Dan Gilbert’s letter was pretty out there and pretty ridiculous, to say the least. But it captured how a lot of people were feeling at that particular time. He is a blowhard. He is narcissistic. He is self-centered. Yet he is no more narcissistic or self-centered than Lebron James or many of these other athletes.

    And don’t even begin to throw around the word “entitlement” towards fans when athletes, from middle school on up, are entitled and spoiled themselves by schools, universities, coaches, corporations, and fans.

    It’s time to give this a rest, Frowns. This story has been beaten to death a million times over by a million people the past 2 years. And this topic doesn’t add anything to the discussion, unlike most of your others.

    • BIKI024

      I really don’t think it would’ve made that much of a difference if he did it in the most respectful way ever. Most fans would still feel betrayed that Bron wasn’t “loyal” to his teammates, owner, and most of all fans. Still be pissed to watch a terrible first season after bron left getting crushed by 20+ points a game. It’s easy to blame such idiotic hate on “the decision” but the rest of the world isn’t dumb, they didn’t need to see his announcement to basically think Lebron left because he didn’t think he could win there, which is and indictment against Gilbert and the Front Office.

      • BR830

        I think if he handled it with more class, I think people would’ve accepted it and understood. Nobody would have liked it, obviously. But if he handled it in a mature fashion, then I think it would have been OK and the blame would have shifted to the Front Office for not building a team that could go all the way (even though Lebron James approved every move the Cavaliers made).

        • Believelander

          You guys are both right. Biki is right that most of us would have been hurt and angry at him leaving, but BR830 is right in that people would have accepted and understood after that anger settled.

          • BIKI024

            they are already starting to accept, see ChuckKoz, that dude used to rip LBJ to shreds. time heals all wounds, especially since he really didn’t make that big of a wound. wah wah, he “embarrased” Cleveland on national TV, yeah, what else is new. he still has done more for cleveland, and especially Akron, certainly more than the corrupt politicians in Cuyahoga County, but Lebron is the villain. CHILD PLEASE

  • Believelander
  • bettyboop

    Hello–who needs pants?

  • rulesboy

    Let it go, bro. Let it go.

  • CleveLandThatILove

    Dan Gilbert and LeBron James both used their considerable power and influence to get what they wanted with no consideration for others. The Decision and the Letter served no purpose except to spotlight their utter lack of class. Two peas in a pod. No wonder they couldn’t coexist.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      And again, why not expect a lot more from billionaire team owner/constitution amending-types than you do from twenty-something basketball players from the projects?

      • CleveLandThatILove

        So in 15 years, after LBJ retires and buys an NBA team with the billions he’s amassed (not tipping or paying income tax really does add up), will he be held to a higher standard too? Or must we always expect less because his childhood was shit?

        • ClevelandFrowns

          “So in 15 years … will he be held to a higher standard too?”

          Sure.

      • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

        damn.

        either lower your expectations of millionaires or raise them from project kids.

        the double-standard thing demeans those you deign to help.

    • nj0

      Lebron doesn’t use his considerable power and influence to finance election campaigns aimed at changing state law to benefit himself at the expense of others.

      Once he does, I’ll develop an opinion about him that goes beyond a shrug and a hardy “whatever”.

      I also question why Lebron needs to consider others when making decisions regarding his own employment. I’ve been pretty apathetic about Lebron from the start, but I have never understood why people think he owes anything to anyone other than himself and his family.

      • CleveLandThatILove

        If he would have prefaced “I’m taking my talents…” with something like “I want to thank the great fans of Cleveland for their support these last seven years, but…” then I don’t think we’d be having these conversations.

        Players always thank the fans, and he didn’t. Those words would have gone a long way.

        • nj0

          I understand your point, but I honestly think we would still be having these conversations. He has since apologized for the Decision and we’re still having these conversations.

          While I accept that some people are/were just upset about the way it all went down, I think they are a very small minority.

          Take a look at the language in Gilbert’s letter, one embraced and supportyed by the vast majority of Clevelanders/NEOians-“deserted”, “betrayed”, “cowardly betrayal”, “shameful display of selfishness”, “shocking act of disloyalty”, “heartless and callous action”…

          All this hate would have disappeared if he just said thank you? Don’t buy it. The goal posts would have just moved and the hate would still be there.

          • bupalos

            That’s why we all want to kill Cliff Lee?

          • nj0

            Not following. Cliff Lee didn’t leave through FA.

          • CleveLandThatILove

            Great athletes have left us in Cleveland for various reasons that they hold dear. Most people with some sense of a heart preface bad news with a disclaimer before said bad news. I think of all the impressionable youth that still wonder why. I still think that Manny Ramirez types could have had the world by the balls if they manned up and took the high road. The sheer power they had to influence many is lost.

      • bupalos

        >>>I have never understood why people think he owes anything to anyone other than himself and his family>>>

        There’s no arguing with this, but I pretty sincerely believe this is the attitude that makes everything that sucks suck.

        • nj0

          I was speaking purely in terms of the decisions he made regarding his own employment.

          Seems like making personal decisions about one’s own job is a pretty basic human right.

          • bupalos

            Neither Dan Gilbert nor Lebron James are employed in an any sense of the word that comes anywhere near the term “job.”

          • nj0

            So you believe he shouldn’t have a say in who he works for?

      • CleveLandThatILove

        For that matter, why then would people think Dan Gilbert owes anything to anyone other than himself and his family?

        • nj0

          Because Gilbert uses his considerable power and influence to finance election campaigns aimed at changing state law to benefit himself at the expense of others.

          As I tried to clarify to bupalos upthread, I am not advocating some all encompassing nihilistic, get-your-own Randian system of (a)morality. I’m just stating that in some decisions – such as which law firm you intern at, which basketball team you play for, or which factory you foreman at – people have the right to make the decision that is best for them and their family without being lectured about what they “owe” the rest of us.

          I believe Lebron was in the safe zone when making his decision. I believe that Gilbert, in many of his business dealings, is not.

          It’s a judgment call and I’m making it… I could be wrong… but I’m not. ..
          – Bill Hicks

          • ClevelandFrowns

            Well put.

          • https://twitter.com/jimkanicki jimkanicki

            wait a sec. seems to me that the citizenry voted on the casino issue. and continuing on the theme of ‘bad dan gilbert’ seems to me individuals taking mortgages with quicken loans do so by their choice.

            free will. it’s a bitch, ain’t it? price of freedom, i guess.

          • ClevelandFrowns

            Derp. All “free wills” are created equally, thus its impossible for strong to prey on weak to civilization’s detriment. Derp.

            Ohio voters rejected casinos repeatedly until Gilbert launched the most expensive election campaign in Ohio history.

            Derp. He spent more money so ge must have been right. Derp.

            Free will’s a bitch!

          • nj0

            how does the citizenry voting for it negate the fact Gilbert used his considerable power and influence to finance an election campaigns aimed at changing state law to benefit himself at the expense of others?

            and yes, voters pass terrible laws every election cycle.

            but yeah, free will is a bitch. it’s what makes life fun/terrible.

  • mo_by_dick

    “I know you made a near-impossible promise, but I won’t hold you to that promise if it ends up blowing up in your face.” – Something Dan Gilbert has probably never said to a Quicken Loans borrower

  • http://www.autismspeaks.org/ PML

    How about that Tribe?

    • Believelander

      They’re not worthy of our rooting because those players on this Tribe you speak of are professional athletes in a city where a tiny contingent of rich men choose to continue marketing a sports team with a racial caricature.

      But how about that middle infield?

      http://cleveland.indians.mlb.com/video/play.jsp?c_id=cle&content_id=22057515&topic_id=29461918

      /Asdrubal’d

      • bupalos

        >>>this Tribe you speak of are professional athletes in a city where a tiny contingent of rich men choose to>>

        Ah, the golden thread that runs through it all! It’s all about having the right billionaire adopt you, yalls!

  • Guest

    “I got a goal, and it’s a huge goal, and that’s to bring an NBA championship here to Cleveland,” James said. “And I won’t stop until I get it.”

    We can’t take this comment seriously… right? I mean, he’s a kid who grew up in the ghetto and had a drug addict for a mother! It doesn’t matter what he said!

    • The Curse of Yahoo!

      As they say, my word is my bond, provided that the wealthier I am (or the wealthier my upbringing), the more of a bond it is. I think. It’s all really a sliding scale.

  • bupalos

    Gilbert wasn’t a “bad boss.” He was no more Lebron’s boss than Lebron was his, and acting otherwise is silly. He didn’t try to profit off the disaster. He didn’t try to “stoke” anything. That’s a bunch of ex post facto fiction aimed squarely at creating a story with an almost-victim-hero and an over-the-top villain. Gilbert was possessed of insane rage because he became the collateral damage of Lebron’s regressive, greedy, Bartlebesque scheme, and he’s just really really not used to being on that end of the body count. Really. I mean, like, REALLY.

    Cleveland, on the other hand, is so used to being collateral damage in this arena that it was refreshing for a lot of people to see someone pull a Howard Beal and taste some of that old-timey-first-time flavor. So sue them. It was of course not sans its comic aspect and irony, as you will tirelessly and repetitively continue to point out again and again ad Lebron Gloriam Excelsius. But if Gilbert owes a refund, then MoonDog and the cheerleaders should be on the hook too as co-conspirators.

    None of any of it changes the fact that way down deep where noooo-body sees (except anyone who’s actually looking), neither The Chosen One or CavsDan could possibly care any less about folks outside their tiny respective circles, nor the collateral damage or collateral benefit created by their self-centeredness and prodigious greed.

    Dear Lebron,

    Soooo proud of you! Because you’re from here,* and you were right to leave, because you spoiled us rotten and we were just getting in the way of your “real success” with our rotten non-Akron city and lousy team. And of course DAN GILBERT OMG how you could come to that workplace everyday to scratch out a living for a greedy overbearing boss man like that is beyond us. We’d never want that horror for our children. The guy didn’t even respect you enough to honestly tell you what a douchebag you were being. I would have left the second I got that letter! Kudos to you for sticking it out as long as you did, and thanks for burning down the franchise, it needed freshening up!

    Signed,
    we who think kettles are white because pots are black, fans don’t matter but billionaires do, and time is just an arbitrary human construct.

    * self explanatory asterisk

    • manc

      the Howard Beale reference puts this post over the top. Gotta watch that movie again.

    • ClevelandFrowns

      Go ahead and split hairs about whether Gilbert was LeBron’s “boss,” but last I checked, owner > player, and billions > millions.

      You should have signed your letter: “we who refuse to hold billionaire team owner/constitution amending-types to a higher standard than we hold twenty-something basketball players from the projects, and get exactly what we deserve as a result.”

      So stupid.

      • bupalos

        Well it’s an honest thing and a true thing, if a stupid thing. You’ll be glad to know I have since vastly lowered my expectations for Lebron. And he just won for his new boss Micky Arison, so everyone’s a big winner here and it’s time for you to get over it.

        • ClevelandFrowns

          Stop being so stuuuupiddddddd.

  • Roosevelt

    Hey dead horse! TAKE THAT!!!

  • Brian Sipe

    perfectly said Frownie

  • bupalos

    Guy wrote a letter. Get over it.

  • Tim

    For my part, I really like Dan Gilbert. He has consistantly worked very hard to bring a title to the Cavs, and I believe he soon will. If it had been Mark Cuban who made the remarks, we would have already filed it under: Crazy things the Owner says, and forgotten about it. ESPN pushes all of this crap to get people to buy into their marketing, it really doesn’t matter that much.

  • Atdietz80

    News flash! Dan Gilbert is a megalomaniac. So are all the other owners of all the other pro sports teams with their publicly subsizidized monopolies. He is likely an insufferable prick. He’s here to stay. The public is not going to take over ownership of the team. In fact, the rules for ownership do not allow such things anymore. Gilbert’s dickishness makes the Cavs no less of a free agent destination than when Lebron was on the team and still couldn’t ink FA’s. No one is pining for the days of Gordon Gund or Stepien or Mileti. The Gilbert-owned Cavs have a better chance than any of those ownership groups. Mileti and Stepien were broke as a joke and Gund could not be more detached from the franchise. Gund only bought the team because David Stern practically begged him to do it. And to have a tenant for his Coliseum. Gilbert is better than any of those options. No matter who sits in the chair, he or she will be playing God with other people’s money.

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